COMMUNICATING TO DIRECT VS. COMMUNICATING TO CONNECT

Why Do We Communicate?

As leaders, every conversation we have serves a purpose. But are we communicating just to give orders and direct actions, or are we also communicating to build trust and connect with our teams? The way we engage with others determines whether we foster a culture of collaboration and resilience or one of mere compliance.

Both types of communication—directing and connecting—are necessary in leadership. The challenge is finding the right balance.

COMMUNICATION TO DIRECT

When we communicate to direct, our focus is on efficiency, clarity, and execution. This is the style of communication used to:

Give instructions
Set expectations
Provide feedback on performance
Ensure alignment with goals and objectives

This approach is particularly valuable in high-pressure environments where quick, decisive action is required. However, if leaders rely only on directive communication, it can make interactions feel purely transactional—reducing engagement and motivation over time.

Example: A manager who only communicates through emails filled with bullet-pointed action items but never checks in on their team’s well-being. The work gets done, but there’s no real connection or trust.

COMMUNICATION TO CONNECT

On the other hand, communication aimed at connection is about building relationships, fostering trust, and strengthening team dynamics. This type of communication involves:

Active listening
Empathy and understanding
Open-ended conversations
Checking in on how people are doing beyond their work

When leaders communicate to connect, their teams feel valued, heard, and motivated—leading to higher engagement, better collaboration, and ultimately, stronger performance.

Example: A leader who not only gives feedback on a project but also asks, “How are you feeling about your workload?” or “What support do you need from me?” shows that they care beyond just the task at hand.

STRIKING THE RIGHT BALANCE

The most effective leaders know how to blend both styles seamlessly. Here’s how:

Be clear, but human – Give direct guidance, but also take a moment to check in on people’s well-being.
Listen twice as much as you speak – Avoid making every conversation a one-way directive; invite feedback and dialogue.
Use connection to build trust – When people feel connected, they are more open to receiving direction without resistance.
Know when each style is needed – Urgent situations may call for directive communication, while routine interactions should incorporate connection.

RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

Want to master both directive and connective communication? Here are three must-read books:

📖 Radical Candor by Kim Scott – A framework for providing honest, caring feedback, ensuring people grow while maintaining strong relationships.

📖 Leadership Is Language by David Marquet – How shifting from command-and-control language to empowering, inclusive communication builds high-performing teams.

📖 Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards – The science of human behavior and nonverbal communication, helping leaders build deeper connections in any setting.

Leaders who only direct get compliance. Leaders who also connect inspire commitment. The key is knowing when and how to use each type of communication effectively.

What’s your natural default? Do you tend to direct more than you connect, or vice versa?